Reflecting on the beginning of my 20s

The beginning of my 20s, not quite sure what I am even doing with my life currently. Everything feels stagnant, like my life is on a stand still.

I understand that, I do not need to have everything figured out in this current juncture of my life but the feeling of not knowing. The feeling and yearning to be more than what I am currently. To finally feel alive and not just live each day without meaning or direction. The beginning of my 20s had a rough start but I hope next year would at least have a smoother landing. I’ve been confused about the direction of my life since 19 but it became more pronounced once I reached 20.

This year I look back asking myself what I did that is worth meaning at age 22 and honestly I can not even pinpoint it. Academically I would say I am okay but honestly I still feel incomplete, as if I have not achieved much in life.

I close off this year feeling incomplete… hopefully next year and 23 will be better and there will be something worth meaning in my life during that time.

See Me. See You… You are… My Reflection.

I stretch out my hand.

Waiting for you to reach out to me.

Waiting for you to pull me out of this ditch.

Can you not see the pain and sorrow within your eyes?

Look at me when I am talking to you!

Hear my shout!

See my tears…

In this ocean of self pity, I keep drowning myself in it. It’s like I have an addiction for the pain.

I know how to look happy but what is true happiness? Have I ever felt it? Have we ever felt it?

You are the reflection. You… are what I strive to be.

I always think I have you but every time I lose you.

In this ocean of tears, I might just drag you down with me.

Note to self

Finding happiness within yourself is probably the hardest thing one can achieve in this world. The saying is true that we are our own’s biggest critics. Everyday it’s either we find something to love about yourself or something new to criticise yourself on. Sometimes you not happy with yourself and where you headed in life. We pick on ourselves and put ourselves down for the littlest flaws.

Learning and unlearning how to grow yourself as an individual… more importantly on how to love yourself is the hardest lesson.

There’s no formula to loving yourself but one thing is for sure is knowing your strengths and weaknesses… also learning to love your flaws.

We rise and fall in the journey of loving ourselves but the moment past through the worst of the worst storms, it gets easier every time to pick yourself up.

Epiphany by BTS has become the soundtrack to the continuous journey of loving myself. – AuroraMoon

Forever Change

We live. We love.

We begin anew from all the lessons learnt and

the tears that were once wept.

We in constant motion

of the forever changing tides.

We find ourselves once again

after losing ourselves

once upon a time.

A constant change.

Forever moving waves… AuroraMoon

🌊

The Deeps

In the shallows the ocean sparkles with its splendour,

seemingly unblemished by any mark.

It’s blues make even one sorrows mellow, look at its beauty is wondrous to the naked eye.

Deep in it’s valley’s,

a dangerous storm brews in the deeps.

A door that leads to a world unknown… – AuroraMoon

A Rose and Thorns

Silly of me to let you share my light,

Instead of coexisting I tried to shine brighter than you, while you were in my orbit

Selfishness is the name of my guilt, of seeing you slowly drowning in your soil of sorrows

I was blinded by your petals, that I did not notice the darkness plucking you up

You fell in it’s embrace and you welcomed its warmth,

Once a beautiful rose but now only thorns remain… – AuroraMoon

Plucked

Instead of watering you,

the rain swooped you in it’s storm.

Instead of finding the light,

the darkness was slowly embracing you in its tender arms.

How my heart breaks,

every time I see you drown in the soil of your sorrows.

A plucked rose… – AuroraMoon

Petals

There is only a sorrowful poetry left in the midst of all the tears that were shed. The withering of petals,

has left me broken and not knowing what to do next. Your colours have faded, you are unrecognisable.

A perfect lie was once spoken when I kissed your petals, the moment my lips left your petals,

you lost your colours and you slowly withered to nothingness.

Where my lips poisonous, to your blooming petals?

You lost your light, whilst you were trying to be sustained by mine… – AuroraMoon

The Rose

Your petals fell what a pitiful sight to behold. They shrivelled up,

to the point I could not trace you anymore. You were once a beautiful sight to behold but now you unrecognisable even to yourself.

A smile that could revel even the sun,

It could brighten even the darkest of day… – AuroraMoon

Light and Dark

Like a flower it slowly blooms to its true beauty, my tears fall every time I see the true beauty of the light of this universe.

You a beautiful being, the light and darkness within you, makes for a beautiful disaster.

It’s amazing to see you love, to see you smile, to see you happy… the horror of watching your petals fall is a sorrowful sight to behold… – AuroraMoon